Useless Words

So, you want to be a writer?

How many times have we heard someone say -- wait, that sounds like an old Ray Price song.

Anyway, do you think it’s easy to write? Correctly? er.. correct?

I’ve finished a short story titled Trading Horse.  I think it’s a good one and need to get it ready to send to my publisher, editor, or submit to the market.  So, how do I make this thing ‘slickern goose grease’ and impress folks?  Let’s look at some guidelines.

I can't write color! No overly descriptive words that they might deem superfluous. So all those old-time writers where every sentence was poetry in motion? Fuggettaboutit. No time for that. In today's instant gratification society, we can't be expected to wade through that kind of stuff.

Looking at published criteria I can’t use really or very.  So, I can’t write, “You’re a very pretty girl.”  Or, if the guy (I’m assuming here) is really gob smacked, “You’re a really, really, very pretty girl.”  So, I guess that leaves, “You pretty.  Or, you ugly.”  Short, but to the point. Yeah, I know. You're beautiful would work too. But every girl wants v e r y tacked onto that.

We can’t use that, just, then or any instance of those, er... that, er... them.  So, lessee, take away the ending ‘that’, then that leaves me with ending the sentence with a preposition (of), and I’ve already qualified the sentence using ‘that’ again.  And ‘then’.  Aw, man! I used ‘then’.  And an exclamation point!  Oh, God.  I can’t do that. OK. Throw it all away. You ugly.

Now we’re into the ‘ly’ words.  It’s a death knell to your work if you use totally, completely, absolutely, literally, definitely, certainly, probably, actually, basically or virtually.

I stumbled upon a great article with a really, really great thought. And the nugget of wisdom was in the comments, not the article. See the article here: Matt Moore's article on adverbs.  And the takeaway? Why not use rhythm, meter and sound in our prose. Speak it. Listen to it. Try Word's text to words function. OK. Back to levity.

But wait! There's more. I cannot convey the amount of vilification heaped upon your psyche if you use start, begin, began, begun, rather, quite, somewhat, or somehow.

Neither may I use said, replied, asked, or use any dialogue tags at all, unless I ask someone’s permission.

Who are they? The permission people? I asked Wiki. They don't know. Siri doesn't know. Google does, but they won't tell me. And I'm scared to death of that Facebook Portal thingee.

Do you think it's hard to write now?  We can’t look down, or up.  Or, wonder, ponder, think, thought, feel, felt, understand or realize. I can't tell you those things, I have to show you. Can't write, I thought about Jenny being pretty. I can only write Jenny pretty. 

I’d grab my burning chest, but I can’t describe it by using breath, breathe, inhale or exhale.  I can’t shrug, nod or reach.  I can’t use long sentences tied together by ands, buts, or frog legs.  (I’m a writer—trust me, I can tie in the frog legs)  Hell, I can’t use a non-approved font.  It's Times New Roman 12 or die.

How on earth or the Federation of Planets do I write a story?

Now, I'll admit. I haven’t sold a ton of books.  Since I write in the western genre, I thought I’d check Louis L’Amour’s stories. I have them all. He’s sold millions.  Just as I thought, most of those monumental mistakes are on his pages.  It’s the same for most of the descriptive prose writing western authors I’ve read.

Yep, Purple Prose... where the written descriptive word resembles poetry and rolls off your tongue to make a beautiful world leap from the pages into your mind. Sigh.

As an experiment I started grabbing books off my shelves in all genres—books written by successful authors.  When I opened a random page, I found the mistakes listed above.  Not all at once.  Gimme a break, here.  So, if they’d done it right, would their books have sold two million instead of one? Or, none at all?

Mystery.

 So, why do the experts want old, new and fledgling writer’s submissions to look like a blank page—dry of wit and empty of beauty? Pretty girls, but never very pretty girls? Or, exceptionally pretty girls.  Maybe just “damn, you nice!” is better. Go to a crowded place and listen. It might surprise you to hear language going that direction. 


When I ask experts about this, I’m told, “Well, you’re no Louis L’Amour.”  That is very, very true.  Like, really, literally very true.  Absolutely true.

But then, I’m betting he was never pushed to turn in something so devoid of feeling it looks like the Klingon version of the user's manual to the Starship Enterprise.


I’ll just keep muddling along and do the best I can.  Even if I use euphemisms and attention grabbing qualifiers… and go broke.  Can’t afford to be a writer anyway.  The conferences alone bust my budget.

One thing I do know.  For every published writer, there are hundreds of experts telling them how to do it, and the rules change at will. Each genre have their own take on things. Each new editor has their own interpretation of the rules.

Maybe some of them are correct.  Surely, (snicker) they have our best interest at heart.

And don’t start throwing your degrees in English at me. I made a D in high school English.  My teacher cried a lot, but was quick to tell me it wasn’t my fault. ( eye-roll ) 😀

I’ll keep writing, trying to perfect the craft.  I must.  Life goes on.


Assignment:  levity.  Look it up.  We need more.  

All photos are attributed to myself or licensed under CCO commons.

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Check out my newest release Limestone County.
It's a contemporary western I think everyone will enjoy.


Limestone County  
"Darrel Sparkman keeps readers on the edge of their seats with the laser-precision of a master."
--Linda Broday, NY Times and USA Today bestselling author


                                             "Sparkman's work quivers with a dark western vibe reminiscent of Justified."
                                              --Dee Burks--Bestselling Author

THE MEASURE OF A MAN IS NOT WHERE HE STANDS IN MOMENTS OF PEACE, BUT WHERE HE STANDS IN MOMENTS OF TUMULT.

Jim Lane is pulling himself together after burn-out from a rescue gone bad. A peaceful life on Stockton lake seems just the ticket.

AN EXPLOSION OF ANGER.

Jolted by betrayal, he survives an attempt on his life only to be drawn into a bloody turf war with the Russian mob. County sheriff Rita Morris knows his history and isn’t buying his explanation.

UNREASONING FEAR.

Rita lost her husband to a random shooting. Unsure if she’s ready to move on, she can’t deny the connection she feels with Jim. It’s a complication, but the pair form a united front with a simple message to the Russians. Get out of Limestone County!

A COUNTRY BOY.

Jim Lane knows he can’t lose this fight. When the first bullet flies he steps into a whirlwind of twists and turns, new love, and old friends that hurtle to the end with an ally he never expects... and a blood debt that will keep him looking over his shoulder for the rest of his life.

Preparing for a New Season

This post by Gayle M. Irwin

The air temperature cooled in my area this week, with lows dipping into the 40s. Forest underbrush is turning yellow, and some tree leaves reflect summer is waning. Even the colors of flowers are showing signs of autumn and people are removing air conditions from house windows – a new season is nearly upon us.

As I prepare for a new season in nature, I’m also preparing for a new season in my life. This weekend my husband and I welcome a new addition to our family – we are adopting another dog!  More than 18 months ago, our nearly 18-year-old cocker spaniel, Cody, passed from this life to the next, leaving a hole in our hearts and our home emptier. Our cocker/springer mix, Mary, seems lonely as well. The time feels right, and so for the past several months, I’ve been visiting websites for different animal rescues, looking for a small, friendly dog that gets along with other animals. I’ve looked locally as well, but small dogs are hard to find in our area; they get adopted very quickly. Because of Petfinder.com, I came across a rescue called Hearts United for Animals. They have several small dogs – which we decided to focus on due to our ages. So, now we are preparing our home for the new little guy with extra food and water dishes, his own doggie bed, and sheltering our cats for the slow introduction we will do when the new dog comes to our home.

The Irwins new furry friend - Stormy

Another new season is occurring in my life simultaneously. In addition for writing for a magazine called WREN (Wyoming Rural Electric News), something I’ve done for more than four years, I’m now serving (at least temporary) as assistant editor. The job, done from home, may become permanent – at least I hope so. I’d love to have a permanent, ½ to ¾-time writing/editing job that I can do from home. I should know by month-end what the publisher decides. Meantime, I’m enjoying not only the extra income, but also the added learning experience.

As a writer, I embrace new seasons, sometimes needing a break from one project to let it simmer and coming back to it later, letting the characters and plot “speak to me” once again. Sometimes I need a rest from writing period as I await new ideas to form. And, then there are seasons when the stories come easily and the muse flows.

Each season, whether personally and professionally, has its purpose.

New seasons happen to us regularly; sometimes they’re welcome (such as a new dog) and sometimes they aren’t (like the fires in Montana and the hurricanes along America’s coastlines). Some new seasons are challenging and some are filled with joy. But, they all present learning opportunities, strengthening of spirit, and occasions to help others (human or animal… or both). May whatever season you are in – personally, professionally – bring greater awareness, strength of spirit, and great opportunities to you and those around you!

When you feel a new season is upon you, how do you prepare?

Gayle M. Irwin writes inspirational pet stories for children and adults. She is also a freelance writer and has stories in several editions of Chicken Soup for the Soul, including last month's release "The Dog Really Did That?" She also contributed a story to Sundown Press' 2016 anthology "Pawprints on My Heart." Learn more about Gayle's writing and speaking endeavors at www.gaylemirwin.com, where she also maintains a weekly pet blog. Sign up for her free monthly newsletter geared for pet parents when visiting her website.

Special Spaces

This post by Gayle M. Irwin

I’m a woodswoman. A few decades ago, I read a book by Anne LaBastille called Woodswoman, a memoir of her life in New York’s Adirondack Mountains. She sustained herself through freelance writing and conservation work. Inspired by Thoreau, she lived in a log cabin without modern conveniences, relying on a boat for transportation and neighbors to help with things she couldn’t do by herself. But, she did a lot alone. I admired Anne’s fortitude and independent spirit. I wanted to be her. But, alas my life differed from Anne’s but I’ve always enjoyed her writing and appreciated her life (my parents lived like that during my 20s and 30s, doing so for nearly 14 years, although neither were writers or professional conservationists). Anne had a special space, environmentally and emotionally – she lived in a beautiful place and she lived a life not many people, especially single women, would choose. I highly recommend her books, Woodswoman and Beyond Bear Lake, are the ones I’ve read; she also has written others before her passing in 2011.

There are many special spaces; each of us holds a “somewhere” dear in our hearts (maybe more than one place). It may be our childhood home, the community where we currently live, our own writing space, a place in which we’ve visited that made an emotional (even spiritual) impact. There are several special spaces for me, and most every one is an outdoor place. Here are a few of most favorite places:

1.  National Parks – America is blessed by the foresight and fortitude of people like Stephen Mather, John Muir, Presidents Ulysses Grant and Teddy Roosevelt, and many others who deemed places throughout our country worthy of protection, and therefore, created the world’s first national park. From Yellowstone to the Grand Canyon, Yosemite to Kenai Fjords, America’s national parks are treasures that not only Americans enjoy, but that also beckon people around the world who basically have nothing like U.S. parks and marvel at the majesty and wonderment. I’m privileged to have a story I wrote about our national parks in last year’s Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Spirit of America. I’ve visited several parks and plan to visit more – they inspire me, both as a writer and a human being. 
2. Ranch near Kaycee, Wyoming – I am fortunate to have friends who own a ranch about 70 miles northeast of Casper, where I live, and every few months I make a trip out there. I bask in the beauty of the landscape and the vast amount of animal life, a place where domestic sheep, cattle, and horses mingle with wildlife such as turkeys, deer, and sandhill cranes. Glorious sunrises greet me and the nearby Powder River lulls me to sleep at night. The quiet relaxes me, and the generosity of my friends brings me joy. I stay at the guesthouse with large windows that look upon the fields and woods nearby, and I write. I’ve composed many short stories, chapters of my book Walking in Trust: Lessons Learned with a Blind Dog, and developed a children’s book about to be released called A Town Dog Named Mary Visits a Ranch, in which I’ll teach children about the domestic and wild creatures living in harmony together at the ranch. 
3. Mountain Property and Cabin – this is truly my special space, for my husband and I own it. At 8,000 feet in elevation, the mountain property is a bit difficult to get to during the winter, but from May to October, I spend weekends and week nights at this place, only about 20 minutes from our home in town. We purchased the acreage nearly 14 years ago and found a Park Model mobile cabin in 2006; two years would pass before we could move the cabin to the property (lots of trees to cut for fire mitigation and lots of work to prepare the ground; thankfully our ranch friends had another small acreage close to Casper on which we parked the cabin as we prepared the land). A lot of writing occurs at the property, whether inside the 12x32 cabin (we had a tiny house before tiny houses became popular!) or outdoors beneath the coolness of the lodgepole pines. In fact, as I write this post, I’m at the cabin, soaking in the quiet on the 4^th of July! Songbirds of all sorts are our neighbors, and mule deer grace the landscape. Our three acres brings us great peace, and me much creativity. My children’s book Cody’s Cabin: Life in a Pine Forest takes children on a woodland adventure as Cody the cocker spaniel uses his senses to explore the forest; kids learn about the plants and animals found in a Rocky Mountain forest and are encouraged to go on their own woodland adventure with a variety of activities found in the book. 

 

As humans and writers, we all have special spaces. I recently returned from a trip to Alaska; my husband, father, and I drove through the state, experiencing mountains, oceans, rivers, tundra, and forests and the creatures that live within each ecosystem – not surprisingly, I came back with a book idea. The 49^th state is definitely a very special place!

My special spaces involve the outdoors. Although I may not be Anne LaBastille, she certainly influenced me for I find peace and creativity in the woods – I am a woodswoman!

Whether it’s a favorite coffee shop, our home office, a farm, field, or forest, perhaps even a city park, there are places and spaces people enjoy and at which we as writers re-discover our creativity. What are some of your special spaces? I hope you have time and opportunity to enjoy them this summer!

Gayle M. Irwin is an award-winning Wyoming author and freelance writer. Her inspirational pet books for children and adults teach valuable life lessons, such as courage, perseverance, and friendship. She is a contributing writer to magazines, newspapers, and compilation books, including last year’s Sundown Press release, Memories from Maple Street USA: Pawprints on My Heart. Her short story about a rescue dog, titled Jasmine’s Journey, will appear in the August Chicken Soup for the Soul release called The Dog Really Did That? This will be her seventh contribution to the Chicken Soup series; last year her story about America’s national parks was a feature in Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Spirit of America. Learn more about Gayle and her work at www.gaylemirwin.com.